I'm on a blogation. I'll still be reading your posts through Google reader or Bloglines every few days so I can keep up with what's happening in your lives/head. As always, you can email me - shmeder at gmail.

I won't be coming back here.

Tuesday, December 23, 2003


My clinicals at the hospice are over. I had the best time and the worst time all at once. I wish I could explain it better. When I left after the last day I got in my car and bawled like a baby. I truly fell in love with some of those people and if I go back they won't be alive. I have never felt so appreciated in my life. Everyone was incredibly sincere and honest - even in dying. I cried with complete strangers and gave them hugs. I wasn't there long enough to get some of the family member's names but they hugged and thanked me just the same.

It was weird doing the post-mortems. A body without life is a bizarre feeling. They were so cold and empty. The human body gets cold pretty quick. I'm thankful that human touch amongst the living is warm. I'm glad we aren't cold blooded creatures. I wondered if I was a cold cruel person when I did the post-mortems because I felt no emotion at all. Then when I saw the family members again I would lose it and cry with them. I don't know if I could work there and keep my sanity but I felt so much joy and so much sadness that I don't know if I could get used to the sadness and hold on to the joy.

I do know one thing. If I am ever diagnosed with a terminal disease that sends me to a hospice there is no way I'm eating the crap food that they serve. Bring on the ice cream, chip and dip and grilled cheese sandwiches. Fuck that nasty food. I almost forgot - bring on the nicotine! If they won't let me smoke inside then they will have to carry me out. When I get bad enough that I can't go out then stick a patch on my arm for crying out loud!