John is the type of patient that we don't normally have on our floor. He was transferred up to us last week out of the ICU because the medicine floor didn't have space for him.
He is homeless and was found with pneumonia in October. He has severe muscle atrophy and is unable to walk. Last week it was really hard to understand him when he talked because his voice was muffled. When I got into work yesterday I noticed that he is now somewhat coherent and chatting up a storm. I was working with him most of the day trying to train him to stop shitting his keks. He complained that he just wants out of the hospital and asked how he could get out. I explained to him (nicely of course) that he needed to stop shitting himself and start walking again. That was how most of the day went with him. He'd shit and piss and I would clean it up.
At about the 10th hour of my 12 hour shift he used his call light. I went into his room to find out what he needed. He had a strained look on his face but was quite pleased with himself at the same time.
John - I need your help.
Me - Sure, what can I get for you?
John - I need some tin foil.
Me (confused) - I don't think we have any but would plastic wrap work?
John (adamant) - I have to have tin foil.
Me - What do you need tin foil for?
John - For my ankles of course.
Me (grinning) - Huh?
John - I need tin foil to wrap around my ankles so I can walk again. Can you find me some tin foil?
Me (eyes tearing up)- Can you hold on a minute?
I left the room so I could breathe. I just met someone that believes in the power of the mighty tin foil. Fan-fucking-tastic. He has officially been placed in the top ten favorite patient list.
Unfortunately, he wasn't one of my patients today.
Song of the night:
Ich Bin Ein Auslander
PWEI
