I'm on a blogation. I'll still be reading your posts through Google reader or Bloglines every few days so I can keep up with what's happening in your lives/head. As always, you can email me - shmeder at gmail.

I won't be coming back here.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

I thought about calling someone tonight but I didn't. It would have been the sane thing to do. It's just one of those things that I internalize and probably shouldn't. I didn't know if I should throw up or not. I didn't know how to respond. I thought I was ready.

I was working today and had one of my repeat patients. I've gotten to know him quite a bit since last August. He's a great guy and never wants to put anyone out. He had a procedure today. They brought him back around 5:45 and then he started to tank. It was a slow progression. He just couldn't breathe. I found myself trying to breathe for him. He was stable for a while but we knew something was wrong. He never complains and he was this evening. It was a slow progression. By 6:45 we were paging docs to his room and we pulled the COR cart out. I was pissing my pants I was so frightened for him. I did what I could. He was surrounded by strangers except for his nurse and me. I kept on talking to him while everyone was poking and prodding him. They gave him Versed so he could go under. The large dose he was given didn't work. He was awake when they intubated him. Awake and gagging while they were prodding their way into his lungs. Then his entire body started fighting as it was gasping for oxygen. His chest was violently heaving unevenly. Finally, the drugs kicked in and he was calm. Calm.