I'm on a blogation. I'll still be reading your posts through Google reader or Bloglines every few days so I can keep up with what's happening in your lives/head. As always, you can email me - shmeder at gmail.

I won't be coming back here.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004


Listening to: Lush

The life of an insomniac continues...

These days I feel like I really haven't been able to write what I really want to in here. I was stupid and let a few too many people in my real life know about it and in all honesty, I don't know if I should care.

So this is where I sit, do I start a completely new blog somewhere else or just suck it up and deal? I'd almost rather suck it up and deal to tell you the truth. What a pain in the ass to move and change my name etc...

Then again, I'm too honest with my friends that they already know everything that goes on in my life.

This is what bothers me - the people that are Super Secretive about their lives. They only want you to know certain aspects of their lives but not the rest. Some people might say it is because they don't trust people enough. I say Fuck That Shit! I think it's a control and power issue. They want you to think their lives are more important, elusive, and extravagant. In reality, their lives are just as boring and normal as mine.

That's the thing; we all go through the same shit in one way or another. The Super Secretive are just as insecure, worrisome, lonely, and horny like the rest of us. Maybe they have bubble of reality issues and are afraid that all of their world's will collide and someone might (oh no!) find out everything. I might know everything or someone else might and that is just too much to handle. The loss of power over one's life is too unbearable. I might tell them what I really think is going on. Like magic...*POP*... the bubble bursts. No love lost - it's a bitch trying to be friends with people like that. I suck at puzzles and I don't want to feel like I'm always trying to put one together.

That's the other thing - trying to get the complete story out of a Super Secretive is like pulling teeth...practically impossible (except when PB Curtis pulls teeth). If you aren't going to tell me everything then don't tell me anything. This includes any lame-ass hints at a larger than realistic story.

I always used the argument that my life isn't that important and if people want to get in touch with me, they can call me at home. That's why I fought hard against needing/getting a cell phone. I had a cell phone in 1997 that my Stepfather gave to me for emergencies. It was a good-sized analog Nokia. I didn't even know anyone with a cell phone but it came in handy a few times. The bill always went to my Mom and Stepfather. They got sick of paying for phone calls at 2 am to get a taxi. It was just a taxi phone. I didn't miss it when they took it away.

Less than a year ago, I started back to school so I no longer had a job that my friends could call at (during the day) to let me know they were making plans to go out. It was horrible, the bastards started going out without me because they couldn't reach me. Fuck that, I bought a phone and then my life became *so* important like everyone else's.

As stated previously, my friend's know everything that goes on in my life so I guess I solved my own conundrum. If they know everything, then:

1) Why are they reading this?

2) Why should I move my blog? My life is boring like theirs.

3) If I did tell you about this blog and you don't know all the crap I've written in here then are you really my friend? Yep. You probably are but we don't keep in touch like we used to for a million and two reasons.

What am I getting at this time? The Super Secretive annoy the heck out of me. I became a hypocrite and had to get a cell phone. I'm going to keep Shmeder at Diaryland and Blogspot.