I'm on a blogation. I'll still be reading your posts through Google reader or Bloglines every few days so I can keep up with what's happening in your lives/head. As always, you can email me - shmeder at gmail.

I won't be coming back here.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Out of Control

She Wants Revenge

I haven't listened to a band so faithfully in years. They are kicking my ass. It's a little retro but all kinda new. It makes me want to dance and rip off my clothes while screaming the lyrics at the top of my lungs. I have been enlightened and turned back into a teenager. It feels fantastic. It's time for another one-nighter. It's time for everything.

They're playing at the Larimer Lounge on Sunday night.

Mental orgasm.


It's great how things in life tend to take care of themselves. Getting different priorities makes everything else easier. I see my selfish behavior and I'm ok with it. I'm my only priority. I'm not insecure about losing friendships or not being able to keep up with what's happening while I'm in school. I can catch up later if I want to. I don't know if I want to. Knowing that I don't need anything or anyone is power. Knowing that my independence is a good thing works for me right now. For a while, I thought I might have to give up some of that independence in order to be in a relationship. I don't. I can be independent single or with someone. If he doesn't like my independence, he can fuck off before he knocks on the door.

Self-confidence is a crazy drug. I see myself with someone that knows and understands my phobia of being in a co-dependant relationship. I never want that for me. Yes, I have a fear of being alone forever but I'm not just gonna be with some idiot because I feel the need to fill up space in my bed. It's either right or it's not. It's that fucking simple. It's not like climbing a mountain of mashed potatoes. It's not impossible or stupid. It's just patience, knowing who you are inside and what you want.

I can't be with anyone until I know how to make myself happy. I think I found it and I'm all giddy. I fucking love it.

Fuck all that crappy shit I'd been feeling for, how long has it been? A year since my last random boy? Shit. I was on such a good roll and I have seriously disappointed myself.

Why did no one smack me upside the head?