I'm on a blogation. I'll still be reading your posts through Google reader or Bloglines every few days so I can keep up with what's happening in your lives/head. As always, you can email me - shmeder at gmail.

I won't be coming back here.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Good or bad, it‘s all gonna add up in the end but, you can never win

I need to have a decent support network while I'm in school. I need to be able to tell my friends what is going on with school and receive empathy back. I need them to take care of me for once. I have a hard time asking for anything from anyone. When help is given to me I don't take it lightly or shrug it off. All I need is for my friends to be available so that I can talk to them and that they LISTEN. It's not much to ask. In reality, it's like pulling teeth. Seriously, is it impossible to have friends that aren't completely self-centered?* If said individuals have nothing to gain from you then they want nothing to do with you.

I've been calling Marlo (my best friend) in California like crazy lately but it doesn't seem to help. I miss her dearly and it just reminds me of that every time I call. She listens to me but she isn't here with me. I need her here to hold me when I have my little minor breakdowns. When the stress of school, work, and money become too much. When my heart gets broken in half like I always let it. To tell me that I can do this, I can make it through this hell that I seemed to have put myself in. I need her to be at my side screaming for me to push on. I've met 2 women and 3 men in my life that I have had amazing connections with in life. Marlo is one of the five. The main one I can depend on. We just have a geographic problem.

Just listen and shut the fuck up about yourself for once. Let me pour it all out of my head.

All of it.

Forgot to mention:
Had lunch with him today! I had a great time shooting the shit.

Then I got my box tidied up! Raar.

Song of the night: Never Win

*This in not in reference to anyone I am currently friends with...