I'm on a blogation. I'll still be reading your posts through Google reader or Bloglines every few days so I can keep up with what's happening in your lives/head. As always, you can email me - shmeder at gmail.

I won't be coming back here.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Read at your own Risk

This is a melancholy entry. I'm having a pity party and I thought I would share. If you need to smile then stop reading and move on to someone else's blog that is chock full o' happiness because you ain't gonna find it here today.

We were waiting for my prescriptions to be filled. She watched me sitting in a chair that gives a back massage while you wait. They are about 100 bucks but work to a certain extent. She had this look in her eyes that I knew I couldn't even begin to fathom what this year has been like for her. Then she said, "You know, I was going to buy one of those for him for Father's Day. I was looking at them in Pennsylvania and was going to get one when we came home. The one I had picked out was much better and had quite a few more features but I think you get the point. We never came home together."

It's moments like that that get frozen in time for days. All I can do is listen. This first year is tough. I'm happy we've been hanging out so much lately, I like to think it helps her. Certain moments can keep me up at night.

Tonight, I think it's the looming birthday that is getting to me. I didn't see my parents much but every year we had a date on my birthday for dinner. This year is going to be different and I don't want to face the empty chair next to her.

I miss him.

I do feel better that I at least wrote it down. I've been holding that little doozy in for almost a week now. Thanks for reading.