I'm on a blogation. I'll still be reading your posts through Google reader or Bloglines every few days so I can keep up with what's happening in your lives/head. As always, you can email me - shmeder at gmail.

I won't be coming back here.

Thursday, July 06, 2006


Colleen, me, and Ange at the Pourhouse on Saturday night

Do you ever get that sneaking suspicion that your life is going to change soon and you don't know how? I'm getting it again. Everything is dandy in my world and I have no idea if it is going to stay this way for much longer. I know I'm being a pessimist but it's just too easy right now. I'm able to balance school, life and work just fine. I've gotten out of the house more in the past month than I did for the entire first half of the year.

I was talking to Colleen (I think it was her) about this weird foggy haze I've been existing in for the past year. The past few weeks I've felt it lifting a bit. I've also figured out how I can finally get closure on his death. I need to go to Pennsylvania. I need to see his grave. Just figuring this out has made a huge difference for me. I've always accepted it better when I've seen a body or a grave. I didn't get to see any of it last year. I'm taking Doug or Colleen with me and we can drive out to the small town where he is buried. It sounds like a depressing trip for anyone but I need to get something. I need to see him one last time. I need to see the permanence.

It's going to have to wait until I graduate but I will at least be able to go in less than a year. Knowing what I need is a step...