Hello!

I'm on a blogation. I'll still be reading your posts through Google reader or Bloglines every few days so I can keep up with what's happening in your lives/head. As always, you can email me - shmeder at gmail.







I won't be coming back here.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

I was getting closer to this. I still needed time. When we were on... we were spot on. When we were off it sucked ass. I sucked up a lot of shit and thought that I was just being a woman and being sensitive. No. I wasn't. It was the tiny ounce of self worth that I had left saying what the fuck are you doing and why?

He lied. Then he lied again. What have I always said are some of the most important things in life to me? Honesty and integrity... without them you have nothing and you are nothing. When you make plans to hang out with me I expect you to keep your plans. Treat people the way that you want to be treated - they got something right with that little dinger.

The timing of me finding out about the final lie was walking to the Halloween party tonight. I couldn't fake it and blow it off for another day. One thing I am not is fake. My emotions are right out front for everyone to see. If I'm pissed, happy or disappointed then you know it. I lost my marbles and threw my drink onto the pavement. Then I turned around and said, "After tonight, we are done." He walked down the street in the opposite direction. I singled out his friend (clueless as to what just happened) that he brought along and told him that I can't be with a liar. I went to the party and cried the whole flipping night. The incident happened when I had Shelly, Doug, and Heather standing next to me to help pick me up.

I know when he gets his shit together he will be a fantastic person. I just can't have him walk all over me until then. I am not a doormat and I will not be treated as such. I can forgive mistakes but I can't keep on forgiving the same one over and over. I am a woman, I can tell when a man is lying to me. It's not that hard. It's the slightest change of tone in voice and a glance downward. Sad thing, I can even tell on the phone. A part of me wishes I was fabulously naive - I really wouldn't be the person I am now if I was that way but I can still wish.

There is little left of me right now.

The fucked up thing? When it was good I was happier than I have ever been in my entire life. It was absolutely amazing. I have never had anything like that before. I was glowing.

I honestly didn't think I was ever going to be single again.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

It's pretty pathetic when I get an urge to blog and all I want to bitch about is how pathetic and annoying my television watching was today. I'm normally only able to withstand about an hour at a time but today I watched TONS. I download a few shows every week from iTunes so I don't have to deal with being at home. I can take my laptop into my bedroom and watch Lost before going to bed. Then I discovered ABC.com and the fact that I can watch a good portion of their shows with minimal commercials whenever I feel like it. I watched all of the available episodes of Ugly Betty. I suppose I like the show since I watched it for a few hours today.

It was great having a snow day. I needed it.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

I'm not myself today and I've been this way for like a week. I've just about had it living in this skin.

I need to talk to someone but no one is available by phone so I just need to dump some shit out of my head.

My life can sometimes get me down. Taking care of people really can suck the life out of a person. Then I end up sucking the life out of people around me. Then I feel shittier. The cycle just keeps on repeating itself.

A patient at work today called me a heifer. I told her that was inappropriate. She started back tracking by saying that at least they are nice cows and she could have called me something far worse. This was happening while she was waiting for me to take off her diaper and wipe the shit off her ass.

People are selfish fuckers.

Me included.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Audioblogger phone service is going away but at least they sent me this nice letter:

Hello,

As of November 1, 2006, Audioblogger will no longer accept phone
calls. MP3s made with the service will continue to be hosted and
served but you will no longer be able to use Audioblogger to post
new audio.

Audioblogger is an independent product, run by Odeo, Inc., a small
startup company in San Francisco, CA. We are not affiliated with
Google or Blogger except that we operate and provide the
Audioblogger service.

Given our limited resources, we have to make tough decisions
about what projects to focus on. And we've come to the difficult
decision that Audioblogger demands too many resources, time, and
money for us to continue its operation.

However, there are several other services that offer similar
functionality. Odeo is not affiliated with any of these services,
we only suggest them only in hopes that one or the other will be
a good alternative for you.

Gabcast.com is a free service for recording by phone
Hipcast.com has a seven day free trial and lots of features
Gcast.com is another free service for phone recording

All of the phone posting services listed above are compatible
with Odeo in that they produce podcast feeds, which can be
imported to Odeo. Any audio file at Odeo can be posted on a blog
by copying and pasting some embed code.

Odeo would like to extend a huge thank you to everyone who has
tried Audioblogger. If you are interested in keeping up with our
other blog-friendly projects, please have a look at Twitter.com
and our customizable audio players.

Thanks,
The Odeo Team

Links:
Gabcast - http://gabcast.com
Hipcast - http://hipcast.com
Gcast - http://gcast.com
Odeo Importing - http://www.odeo.com/create/addfeed
Twitter - http://twitter.com
Players - http://odeo.com/channel/102054/embedded_player


I think I used the service once or twice. It was a nice little thing while it lasted and maybe I'll check out the other free phone posting services one of these days...

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

What is better about Blogger Beta? Anyone? Bueller?

I caught up reading everyone's blogs today while I've been sitting here on my ass at work. Tons of shit (Kath, Rosie, HDW all went to GABF, Hubs' brother got married, Jillian is now single (drag...), Heather found another winner (curses!), Howard gave us the Dark Side of the Wizard of Oz, Trisha bought a new car and The Chic took in some roller skating) has happened since the last time I checked in. I haven't really had the time to read much lately but school stuff. Sitting in front of my computer to type shit just isn't all that appealing.

If you haven't noticed any trends lately or noticed my blogging habits (those that have been reading for a few years). I tend to slow down on my blogging when I start dating. Yep. I met a boy (in August) and I like him. That's about all I'll say about him for the time being.

I'm only taking Pediatric Nursing right now and I love being in only one class for this 8 weeks. It's been fantastic. The class itself is a bit of joke since my instructor kind of sucks ass but I only have a few weeks left.

Halloween? It's sneaking up on me and I haven't fully decided on a costume. Grr...

I'm getting off work soon. I might finish this post later or I might just do as I always do and let it go...