I'm turning into a YouTube addict. Jason put a link on his site to view shoegazer bands and I can't seem to stop watching. I'm looking up a bunch of that old yummy stuff and surprisingly finding tons. Woo hoo!

I'm in heaven!

Sorry to bother you

Ok. I'm minding my own business then I get a message via MySpace from a random guy. At first it's kind of cool and then I sort of find it insulting. Here is the message in full:

Subject: Sorry to bother you

Hi,

I just started here on Myspace and I noticed that we graduated from (insert name of school here) school the same year. So my question is, your name Karen? And if so, why is a good looking girl like you still single? I hope to hear back from you.

-J

Why does this annoy me?

1. My birthday is in a few weeks
2. The question insinuates that there must be something wrong with me if I'm STILL single.
3. He started with an apology in the subject line. If you didn't want to bother me, then don't.

He probably didn't mean it the way that I read it. My first response to him is:

Why am I single? Why the fuck are you divorced and with children?

I'm not going to send a response today. It's probably best if I kept the clicking of my keyboard to my real blog and let my mind settle. It's not my fault that he didn't read the email before he hit send. Grr...

In other news...
I'm planning on going back to the doctor tomorrow for several reasons:

1. I have a full systemic rash.
   
2. A classmate was just diagnosed with shingles (aka chicken pox for adults or varicella)

I just need to make sure I'm having an allergic reaction to my antibiotics and not the fucking chicken pox. Grr... umph.

Read at your own Risk

WARNING:
This is a melancholy entry. I'm having a pity party and I thought I would share. If you need to smile then stop reading and move on to someone else's blog that is chock full o' happiness because you ain't gonna find it here today.

*****
We were waiting for my prescriptions to be filled. She watched me sitting in a chair that gives a back massage while you wait. They are about 100 bucks but work to a certain extent. She had this look in her eyes that I knew I couldn't even begin to fathom what this year has been like for her. Then she said, "You know, I was going to buy one of those for him for Father's Day. I was looking at them in Pennsylvania and was going to get one when we came home. The one I had picked out was much better and had quite a few more features but I think you get the point. We never came home together."

It's moments like that that get frozen in time for days. All I can do is listen. This first year is tough. I'm happy we've been hanging out so much lately, I like to think it helps her. Certain moments can keep me up at night.

Tonight, I think it's the looming birthday that is getting to me. I didn't see my parents much but every year we had a date on my birthday for dinner. This year is going to be different and I don't want to face the empty chair next to her.

I miss him.

*****
I do feel better that I at least wrote it down. I've been holding that little doozy in for almost a week now. Thanks for reading.

Everybodies doin' it... the Four Things Meme

Thanks for the tag Bolton!

Four (other) jobs I've had:

• Registered Rep (aka financial phone monkey)
• Data Validator (I looked at the lab results/tests to verify that the techs ran the soil/water/air samples according to EPA standards)
• I cleaned hotel rooms for a college summer - it fucking sucked ass
• Cashier at Alfalfa's

Four little-known facts about me:

• I am an epileptic, so is my brother as well as a niece (my sister's daughter) and nephew (another sister's son), my mother is guilt ridden over the bad genetics.
  
• I lived in Keflavik, Iceland for 4 years as a kid
• I used to have a FiBar and Pepsi everyday for breakfast in college
• I still haven't figured out this whole religion higher power thing yet. After all these years I still flip-flop around. I refuse to discuss it with anyone. People get their panties in a bind about it all too often. I think I lack faith.
  

Four movies I can watch over and over

• Trainspotting
• Pulp Fiction
• The Princess Bride
• Taxi Driver
  

Four city airports I have been to:

• Kahului, Maui, HI (OGG)
• Los Angeles, CA (LAX)
• Philadelphia, PA (PHL)
• London (LHR)
  

Four favorite male actors:

• Christopher Walken
• Robert DeNiro
• Johnny Depp
• John Cusack
  

Four TV shows I like to watch

• Lost
• Project Runway
• That 70's Show
• Arrested Development
  

Four foods that I hate to love:

• Ben and Jerry's Half Baked
• Pomegranates
• Nachos Bell Grande
• Onion rings
  

Four web sites (not blogs) I visit daily:

• radio-indie-pop.com
• MySpace
• Wikipedia
• Regis University
  

Four things I want to do before I die:

• Own a 1964 Ford Thunderbird
• Conquer my asthma in order to be a decent snowboarder
• Return to Iceland
• Be content with who I am

Four places I would rather be right now

• In his arms
  
• A beach in Mexico
  
• Underneath my covers
  
• At my sister's house in San Diego
  

Four people I'm tagging:

• Satan
• Daniel (I know you have a photoblog so just email if you want)
• Jason (I know, this crap doesn't belong in your blog either)
• Squish
  

*****
Blogs that I would have liked to have tagged but they have retired for now:
Eddie
Hubs

I added more content based on the one I read over at Alex's Blog.

When you think everything is going fanfriggintastic it hits at once. I was perfectly healthy on Tuesday. I went out to dinner and to bowling on Tuesday night. I woke up Wednesday with tightness in my chest. Fuck all. I was out of it but still functional until I got a fever. I hate having a fever. The body aches kill me every time. I had a temperature of 101 on Thursday and was able to get it down with Tylenol to 100 by Thursday afternoon. I’d had it. I did what every grown up does. I called my Mommy and cried. I missed classes yesterday and today. I called in sick for work tomorrow. I went to an urgent care center today because I knew I had bronchitis and needed someone to listen to my lungs for pneumonia. My chest is killing me from all the violent coughing. I either bruised my ribs or pulled the hell out of my diaphragm muscle. Either way, it hurts.

In case, you wanted to know:

• Independence Day was on HBO twice today.
• I’m digging those new Verizon commercials.
• The Matrix is on TBS right now.
• I didn’t watch any of the Olympics today.
• I can’t read or listen to music when I am sick and it frustrates me when I try (my eyes don't focus well and my ears are all plugged up).
  
• I’m glad it finally snowed – it was beautiful to watch.
• I’m on a 4-hour drug schedule so now I must leave to load up again.

I almost forgot – bowling ruled the other night… good times.

I could probably drop more f-bombs...

The weekend was over as soon as it began but it was fucking amazing...

1. Was looking at a friend of a friend's MySpace friends and found a guy that I knew over ten years ago. It was a weird time in my life. I thought I had my shit together then. He's a great person and deserves a lot more than what life has given him. It's good to see that he is still out there.

2. I fucked my Friday morning test. Grrrr... I passed and most people would be ok with my grade but I can do better than that. Shit. I have no fucking social life to speak of so I better have some goddamn compensation somewhere. There has to be a trade off in the balance of things.

3. I got over being pissed off at myself.

4. I am absofuckinglutely loving my pharmacology class. I am one of the few people in class that gets it. In fact, I might be the only one to understand any of it. I wanted to stay for more lecture! For fuck's sake... have I lost my mind?! Then I started thinking... after I get my RN, should I be a pharmacist? I love drugs. No, seriously, I looove them to the point of obsession. Not necessarily for what they do to me but pharmacokinetics and dynamics. The chemical reactions and cellular responses in the human body. Then that brings me back to my love of fentanyl and the main reason why I should stay the fuck away.

5. I went out on Friday night with some of the greatest people in the world. My friends truly fucking rock my world.

6. We walk into the place and stand near the front while I case it. I always need to get my bearings. It took me a little longer than normal because I think I might have pushed the vodka straight into my veins. The guys were ready to move on but I wasn't. I forgot to use my inside voice and screamed, "No, I'm not ready yet. I'm doing fine standing here staring at that hot guy right behind you." He was rockadelic and he heard me. I still didn't have the gumption to walk up to him though. I hate it when I don't act on something like that.

7. I found that same guy later on and he was wearing creepers. Amazing if you ask me.

8. I had to get checked off in school today on taking manual blood pressures. I don't have to take a manual BP very often at work so I was a little rusty. I was nervous for some dumbass reason. Anyway, long story short, I was spot on. I rule.

Again, it's the small things that make me happy. Right now, this week, I haven't been this happy and pleased with my progess in yonks. I've got my priorities straight, my student loan check came in, I enjoy my classes, my anxiety is under control, my kitchen is clean, and I cooked (don't tell anyone that I actually enjoy it).

I'm letting things fall how they may and I need that lack of control. Like I said to a friend on Friday night, "just let go." He did. It was amazing to watch him dance.

The Small of My Back

The last time I saw him he was standing next to me and put his hand on my back. Then it went lower and underneath my shirt and stopped on the small of my back. I didn't say anything and neither did he. We continued chatting with the person standing next to us as if everything was normal like his hand wasn't almost in my pants.

It's moments like that that keep on going through my head that tell me this isn't all me. It couldn't possibly be just me. Could it?! Do men just randomly put their hands on the small of a woman's back when they aren't interested?