University

The lawn on University last Thursday night.

I am an ass.

I am an ass.

I got drunk last week and lost T's digital camera. Fuck. I don't have $300 to replace it. Dang.

I did have a good time though. The Jerks wons their first game in 3 seasons of kickball! What other reason do we need to get plowed?

S and I ended up at a friends house to crash. He has windows in his spare bedroom but they don't open. WTF? It was way too hot so we picked up the covers and moved it out to the front lawn on University. We waved at traffic for a few hours, giggled and talked about shit.

We've been talking about shit a lot lately. Too much is going on in life for both of us. Changes. For the good and bad.

I'm definitely going to the day shift. My ass is getting gigantic and I need the workout that the day shift offers. It's tiring but I get to eat whatever the hell I want. Seriously, it's a tough job. this time I just have to either pick up extra shifts or get a second job.

DP

I just thought I'd stop in to say that I am incredibly nauseous right now. I think it was the Dr. Pepper. A few months ago at bowling I was trying to stay awake and had 4 Dr. Peppers. I turned into a Pepper. Wouldn't you like to be one too? Ever since then I get these horribly nauseous stomach aches. It's only DP - no other soda. It's a conspiracy. Fuckers.

Must shower and go to bed. It was a slow night at work which makes for a long 12 hours. Poop.

Fuck it...

I completely screwed up my previous template so I just picked a generic one from blogger. Then the stupid blogger bar at the top refuses to be all the way at the top. I have no idea why and I really don't want to figure it out today.

The things that kills me about this is that T is a programmer and it would take him 2 seconds to see the problem in the code. T doesn't read this blog just yet. Give me a few days to tinker with it. I really want to fix it myself. I just don't get the CSS coding - it was hard enough to figure out basic html but css is just too much for me today!

Kickball is tonight. Must go make Jell-O shots.

BTW... I hate it when people ask me if I'm the "Jell-O Shot Girl" and then continue to want tips from me on how I get so much alcohol in them or how I do this and where did I get the cute little cups etc... They NEVER ask me for my real flipping name! Come on people... that's just rude. Use the internet they have entire recipes for crying out loud! I never cave in and give these people info if they aren't interested in my name... I just can't be nice to assholes.

OMG! A Shmeder Update

Believe it.

I'm watching my cat chew a plastic wrapper. I think it's his way of telling me he's hungry, bored or starved for attention. Who knows? He's a spazz anyway.

I got an email from Natasya and have received several text messages from Gerg. I have been a horrible friend lately. Selfish. Yep. That's me.

Nothing has changed much since my last entry... Boyfriend is great, work is work, school is school, and kickball just started again.

I will finish my school crap tomorrow and then the semester will be over! Yipppee! My classes sucked in a big nasty way. Just tons of shit to do and read that I wasn't all that into being forced to learn. I haven't fought the learning machine in me since I was a pup. I was not motivated.

I have to go back to the day shift at work. The night shift thing is killing me. I have no life and I sleep constantly. It's pathetic. I try to have a life and I end up doing a half-assed job at whatever I intend to do. Really. My house is a fucking pigsty. It just took me 20 minutes to look up pigsty because I got lost on Amazon and Ebay shopping for music. Ugh. I have no self control.

Speaking of self control... I have to stop shopping for cute summer clothes or I will be broke before I know it.

I have fantastic news! My bowling team won first place for the entire league! We won a free trip to Las Vegas! Woo Hoo! We are going the second weekend in June. Anyone want to meet us there? So far, there's about 10 of us going but it doesn't matter because I don't know how much I will be hanging out with everyone when I am there. S and I intend to go to Sephora first and then continue with anything from there...

I'm not a fan of bowling three games in a row week after week. I still suck at it.

Bleck

So I decided to just change it all up and see if I still feel like doing any of this at all. Time will tell if I decided to get rid of this thing or just go back to my old piece of crap blog that I have had for way too long. The problem is that my boyfriend wants to read my stuff and I really don't need him to read my past shit. I feel as if I need to start all over but I still want to hold on to the past.

Decisions.

I know I won't be going back to Diaryland. I refuse to pay for this if I can get the same shit for free elsewhere. I just want to be a better consumer. I liked Diaryland - I just refuse to pay and I can't even get RSS feeds with it! Andrew needs to catch up and then I will think about going back. Until then...

I am a pirate

I suck. I know.

I haven't had access to the internet at home for a few weeks. I had to get rid of my dial up. It was driving me insane.

I still don't have access at home that I can rely on. Tonight, the guy that I've been dating hooked me up with a wireless card. My neighbor and I are going to start sharing her cable modem stuff with a wireless router (I know I don't know the proper terminology but I think you get my point). He couldn't get the router to work because Comcast configured her modem strangely so he has to do some research to get it to work. Until then I am officially pirating wireless from my neighbors. I have three near me with weak signals that I can switch between until it's fixed. Hopefully he can get it fixed when he comes over for dinner on Wednesday night.

I really don't have much to write about tonight. A ton of stuff has happened lately but it's too much to put here. Plus, I think it's a little dull too.

I do need to mention a sign at the Grease Monkey on Colorado Blvd and Louisiana (I'm pretty sure it's Louisiana). This is what the sign says:

Can food drive
Up to $5 off!

Every time I drive by that sign, it drives me crazy. All I do is wonder if food can drive or not. Then I think about Aqua Teen Hunger Force and wonder if Frylock drives or if Meatwad still drags them in a cart. Finally, I get pissed and want to call them and talk to them about their grammar issues. Alas, in the end I do nothing because I think they may have written it that way on purpose to get the attention of people like me. Pfft. I think my issues just might outweigh any grammar issues they have.

I am obsessed with those announcement boards on the side of the road. I especially like the ones churches post. My favorite is the Lovingway church just north of that Grease Monkey. A few years ago, I was doing the good old "drive of shame" home after a fun night of debauchery. The sign was perfect for that morning:

The sign of the beast
Sex, Sex, Sex

I should start taking pictures of the good signs with my camera phone. It has to be good for something.

Thanks...

Last night I did something and I don't know if I should be proud or embarrassed. After work I was desperate and stopped at Taco Bell. I got home, got undressed and turned on the shower. I couldn't decide if I should eat or shower. I ended up getting in the shower. Then I decided I was hungry and reached out of the shower and got my taco. I decided to eat my taco in the shower. The closest I've ever come to this is drinking a cold beer in the shower (it was quite pleasant). Food? I have never eaten food in the shower. Does anyone else ever do this? Not in the bath... the shower. Gah. I'm pathetic.

Today has got to be the longest day of my life. Seriously. I'm at work right now getting paid time and a half to sit in a room with a patient for 12 hours. He has a trach in so he can't talk. He doesn't eat because he has a feeding tube. Where does that leave me? In front of this computer surfing the internet or watching whatever he is watching on TV. Ugh. We're watching Die Hard II right now.

All in all, I would have to say that this Thanksgiving Day has sucked some serious nasty ass.

On a thankful note... this guy that I've been hanging out with has 2 skiing gold passes this season. It means that he can go snowboarding all winter long at any resort for free! He wants to take me up one of these weekends! Yippee! I didn't think I would be able to make it this season at all. We'll have to see if I ever make it up there.

Flutter by

I know. I haven't updated in ages. I haven't felt like sitting in front of my computer for extended lengths of time until today. I started taking an inventory of my music at this website. In the end I will be able to download it all into an Excel spreadsheet if I want. I had to stop when I was halfway through the letter C. I think this might be more work than what I'm willing to do.

I've been sleeping a lot. I can't seem to get rid of this cold that put me out of work for 2 weeks. It fucking sucks.

Create and Melt

Dali's Car

I can't sleep yet. For one thing, all of my bedding is in the wash. My blanket and sheets are in the dryer and my comforter is still in the washer. I had to wash them. All I did was practically sweat to death about four nights in a row earlier this week. My sheets were disgusting by today.

I was listening to Dali's Car as I was folding clothes. I realized that I don't know if I could ever be with a man that hated my music so much that I could never play it in his presence. That would just kill me. Music is too much a part of who I am. It's my past and my present. Most of my memories have some sort of music attached to it.

This past summer two men asked me (more like accused me) of being a Dave Matthews fan. Do I come off to people as that type of person? I am not even on the same planet as any of that man's music. I can tolerate it but that's all I do is tolerate and that's only long enough to get away. His voice, to me, is like fingernails sliding down a chalkboard. I cringe when I hear that whine of his.

Jeff, the property appraiser, thought I was a huge fan. Jeff is a jam-band kind of guy. Fine. I can date him and he can go to all the shows he wants to. I don't care. I'm not going to make him go to any of mine. I don't care that he listens to that and enjoys it. Whatever gets your rocks off is ok by me. The thing is, during our third date, I told him what I listen to and the kind of teenager I was. He got this weird look in his eye and looked me up and down as if to say, "OMG, you were one of THEM." Then he laughed at me. He never called again and if he did, I had no intention of answering. All he wanted was sex and he finally figured out that he wasn't getting any from me.

I have to stop now to listen to Dead Can Dance "I am Stretched on Your Grave". I stop and listen every time that song plays. Then I listen to it a few more times and just cry. I should get a copy of the Sinead O'Connor version. Back to what I was saying...

In August, Mr. (insert name) brought up the whole Dave Matthews thing too. He honestly thought that I was a fan. I just said something to the effect that we probably had more in common than he thought. In the morning, he put on his Social D t-shirt and he had no idea how fucking sexy that was to me. He was off to work in corporate hell with Social D under it all. Now that is a great fucking memory... thank you Social Distortion and thank you Mr. (insert name).

It just bothers me. TWICE in one summer... Eek.

I don't want to be a Dave Matthews type of girl or person. Have I lost that much of my individuality over the years? Have I lost my edge?

Will I ever find anyone that will let me be me? Will they all be like Jeff and look at me as if I'm from another planet when I tell them about my past? Will my luck be so bad that I fall madly in love with Dave Matthews' number one fan? Will I be able to tolerate his music or is it just impossible for me to fall in love with a DMB guy? Will he tolerate my music, let me listen to it and let me be myself? Can I do the same for him?

Am I this shallow?

Why the hell am I worrying about this tonight anyway? Gah.

I realize I may have just pissed off quite a few DMB fans. In all honesty, this is me being honest and I won't have my blog any other way. If you don't like it then don't read it. End of story.

Like a time bomb

I'm stuck in a conundrum. I'm too aggressive for the quiet and shy type of guy and yet I'm not right for the loud and aggressive type. Where the hell does that leave me? In the middle? Purgatory? Well, that isn't much fun and I've just about had it. I've had plenty of time to think this week. I need a plan. Do I need to be that cutesy flirty girl that all the guys ask out? The one that has a good wholesome reputation (even though the reputation isn't deserved, she's a ho like the rest of us). Do I really want to be someone that I'm not? I'm a flirt. I know that. I just don't try to hide the fact that I am. Me? Be cute? On purpose? That's just nauseating...

I'll have to figure something out. I'm bored and I want to sit and rent movies with someone I care about when it's cold and snowy out.

I realize that's a lot to want...

So I was nasty. I hadn't showered in a few days and I forced myself to take one today. That's what I do when I'm sick. I get lazy as hell and forget to try to be a normal functioning human being.

I read a few more books the past few days. I read About a Boy by Nick Hornby and Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk. About a Boy was fine. I don't think it was a great enough story to make a movie about it. Lullaby was brilliant. I must look up more Chuck Palahniuk the next time I find myself at the bookstore. A friend suggested him to me a few years ago because I am so enamored with Irvine Welsh. The friend didn't tell me enough about this guy's books. I need a book to be so off the top unrealistic that it could possibly happen. I've got some reading to do.

Namby-pamby books about love sick fools are for the birds.

No, I haven't gone back to work yet. I've only been to Rite-Aid, Sunflower Market and Blockbuster Video. I need a note to go back to work and my doctor won't give me one yet. I keep running a temperature at night. I will probably go back on Sunday. Until then, I get to stay low and keep on reading. I don't have a TV that gets any reception (I refuse to pay for cable and rabbit ears are hideous) so all I can do is rent movies and read. It's strange, I've enjoyed reading more than watching the movies I rented.

I rented:
Morvern Callar
Dark City
Taking Lives
Miracle
Man on Fire

I've seen Dark City before and should probably own it by now. I just don't have a comment on the other movies except to say that I need to take a list with me the next time I go to rent movies. What the hell was I thinking??

I do have plans to join a bar crawl for charity on Saturday afternoon. I just don't get to drink... I gotta wear shades...

Here we go...

I thought this was hilarious. I voted. Did you?

Hally

This was my first Halloween without her.

Her name is Halloween. She showed up to one of my parties in college in October 1991. The next day, when I was airing out the house and cleaning, she came back. I laid down on the couch for a nap and she jumped up and took a nap with me. That was it... I kept her. She was already about a year old.

In February I had to put her to sleep.

Things just haven't been the same since then.

I miss her more than I can describe in words.

Sheesh.

Tonight was the last night of kickball. Sheesh. I need a break like nobody's business.

Mr. Saturday night was there too. We talked for a while. He lives in Vail and stays at a friend's house in Denver. I will see him again this weekend.

I met a another guy a few weeks ago that I actually made an effort to hang out with tonight. He didn't bring a jacket so I let him wear one of mine. It was weird seeing him in it. I might see him this weekend too. Yippee!

At the bar, two guys (not kickballers) were leaving and one stopped to tell me I have the cutest smile he's ever seen. I blushed like nobody's business and thanked him. Then he left. That was it. It makes me happy to think that some people can still compliment complete strangers and not ask for anything in return.

The killing time... unwillingly mine

Echo and the Bunnymen

The past few weeks have been completely wrong. Just wrong. I have almost completely grossed myself out by over thinking all of this bizarro incestuous kickball crap. Ick. I don't like my behavior. Change the channel - I'm sick of this lame ass soap opera.

I did meet a good guy that I could like at the party on Saturday night. He's not hot. He's not the kind of guy I would use abuse and throw away. He's someone that I might want to know better and that scares the bejesus out of me. I always say I want some guy to fall crazy in love with me but am I ready? Can I put a decent effort and not fuck it up?

The party turned out great. I don't think anyone was sober but I really didn't pay too much attention. All I know is that we trashed my friend's place and it took 3 of us 4 hours to clean on Sunday. I was too tired to stay up and watch the baseball game on Sunday.

Craptastic

Work has been hell the past few days. People are dying on me and it fucking sucks.

I love my job. I was meant to take care of people. I've never been happier in my life working. It scares me. I just wish I had figured this shit out earlier in life.

Why do I have to fall in love with these people and then watch them pass away? If people wouldn't die then my job would be perfect.

I'm off to bed for another 12-hour shift tomorrow. I don't work again until Monday. Kickball and Halloween parties will fill up my time until then. I need time off.

Sally is lost

Am I a bad person?

I've packed my bags to go on a guilt trip. I'll let you know when I get back.

Pixies Set List

9.30.04
magness arena
denver, co

In Heaven (Lady in the Radiator song)
Wave of Mutilation (UK surf version)
Where Is My Mind?
Winterlong
Here Comes Your Man
Subbacultcha
Bone Machine
River Euphrates
Dead
Cactus
I Bleed
Crackity Jones
Debaser
UMASS
Caribou
Gouge Away
Broken Face
Tame
Isla de Encanta
Hey
Monkey Gone to Heaven
Velouria
No. 13 Baby
Mr. Grieves
Nimrod's Son
The Holiday Song
Vamos

Encore
---------
Wave of Mutilation
Gigantic

VooDoo U

Lords of Acid

I just spent an hour in the sun on my porch, in my pink pajama pants and a sports bra, listening to Lords of Acid and smoking. I still have a tendency to smoke every once in a while.

I got an urge to take off my pants and then remembered that I go commando to bed and thought the neighbors might not appreciate it.

The sun felt great. The smokes were great too. Nicotine is amazing.

Wait a sec, I'm supposed to be listening a different Lords of Acid album and my player skipped to Madonna. I don't feel like listening to Madonna and yet I don't feel like getting off my ass.

I can't stand this nonsense... must change music...

Back...ah...sweet joy in my ears.

My head won't shut up today. I just can't turn it off long enough to concentrate on anything. I thought smoking might help but it looks as if I might have to go do yoga or some crap like that. I need to clear up my head. It has been so muddled lately that I've almost forgotten who I am.

I can do this. I can be alone. I just must convince myself if anything will ever happen it will. With him or someone else. Patience.

---
Yes, it is 4 in the afternoon and yes I am still in my pajamas.
---
I did get one thing done today. I tried to fix my neighbor's carpet cleaner(it broke so she gave it to me), fucked it up, and then threw it in the dumpster. I tried. It would have been a free carpet cleaner. One less piece of shit in my apartment is nice too.

Root Down

Beastie Boys

I saw the Beastie Boys play at Red Rocks tonight. Amazing.

They started with Root Down and finished with Sabotage.

I will have to write more later when I have time. I work at 7am. Feh.

The Daily Camera - Denver Show Review (09-09-04)

Beastie Boys kick off tour in style

By Aimee Heckel, Camera Staff Writer
September 10, 2004

MORRISON - Wine isn't the only thing that tastes better with age. So does Brass Monkey, as the good ol' Beastie Boys proved Thursday night at a sold-out Red Rocks Amphitheatre.

Sure, MCA Adam Yauch's silver hair hovers above him like a gray cloud, conspicuously hidden under a white baseball cap. (And is it just me or did his voice get raspier with his recent 40th birthday?) And Mike Diamond (aka Mike D) and Adam Horovitz (Adrock) sounded a little less whiney - a little.

But the Beasties bounced across the stage in their dorkily cool green jumpsuits Thursday night with enough energy to ignite the crowd for an hour and 15 minutes. Their rhymes are timeless, period, especially the explosion of old-school they opened with - "Root Down" and "Sure Shot," both from 1994's Ill Communication album.

This was the Beasties' first Colorado concert in six years. Nothing personal. Nobody (except the Sasquatch they say kidnapped them during that time) saw much of the Beasties between 1999 and this summer. They haven't rocked Red Rocks in a decade.

Apparently Colorado had been waiting on them to return; their show sold out in less than an hour - one of the few instant sellouts of the slow summer season.

Red Rocks was the first stop on the Boys' (er, men's) month-and-a-half tour to promote their new album, To the 5 Boroughs, released in June. They rocked Thursday's show with a smooth "Triple Trouble" and an energetic "Ch-Check it Out," but didn't overdo the new stuff. As expected by the Boroughs' political and borderline preachy tone, the Beasties urged the crowd to "Please go out and vote against George Bush." Cheers erupted from the crowd, mostly white guys in their late 30s, like the three MCs.

Mix Master Mike (Michael Schwartz), perched on his elevated turntable, stole the show with a five-minute opening solo and another thirty minutes later. This led into a 15-minute jazzy instrumental that bored the younger crowd to mosh. The older fans seemed to enjoy the breather. The Beasties redeemed themselves with a "people-friendly" sing-along of "Paul Revere," from the 1986 Licensed to Ill release. Add that to a twist of "Brass Monkey," "Intergalactic" and, of course, "Sabotage," and it's hard to imagine the Beasties will ever grow too old to "parrr-ty."

Set List

Main Set

Root Down
Sure Shot
Right Right Now Now
Pass the Mic
Super Disco Breakin'
The New Style
Posse in Effect
Open Letter to NYC
Three MCs and One DJ


Instrument Set

Sabrosa
Son of Neckbone OR Ricky's Theme
Something's Got to Give



Second Set

Jimmy James
Triple Trouble
Paul Revere
Body Movin'
Brass Monkey
Shake Your Rump
So What'cha Want


First Encore

Intergalactic


Second Encore w/instruments

Gratitude
Sabotage