Barfly

(Picture was taken at Sputnik)

I finally signed up for Netflix. I had it a year ago with the boyfriend. I only have a few movies in my queue at the present time. It's not like I have the time to watch movies anyway. I got my first movie on Friday (Bukowski: Born Into This) and finally watched it yesterday. It was a great documentary about Bukowski. It makes me want to read more.

My Empire of Dirt

I will never be late to a show at Red Rocks again. Never.

Kara and I went and saw Bauhaus and NIN. It was still light out when Bauhaus played. I took this picture when Bauhaus was playing. You can't even see them in the photo. I was hoping that the skyline would be a little more visible too.

I don't really have much to say about the performances. Nothing can compare to the Bauhaus show from last fall. NIN were better this time than the time I saw them at the Pepsi Center with A Perfect Circle. They still weren't better than the first time I saw them at the Glen Miller Ballroom when they opened for JAMC. I saw them a time or two in between but it doesn't matter. Here's what I have to say briefly about NIN:

• Great light show
• No encore
• Trent Reznor isn't skinny anymore.
• I think I saw neck rolls on Trent.
• Great energy
• I need to go to more shows at Red Rocks.
• On the way in, a guy was upset when he couldn't bring in his camera. Idiot.
• My camera was well hidden.
  

That just about sums it up. I had a great time with Kara. I need to spend more time with her. She understands me better than anyone except for Marlo. It's just good to be around friends that you don't feel the need to have dumbass platonic conversations.

Pics I forgot about

I love it when I find things on my computer that I haven't really lost. This is a pic that I took in 2004 before the phonographs went to the museum. You can see the rest if you go to my Flickr account.

As a kid, I spent every summer at Grandma and pa's house (I think I may have mentioned that before). I miss sitting in the living room with Grandpa and listening to an opera or a symphany. He would crank the volume pretty high too. Grandma would normally be sitting in her chair at the dining room table working on the NY Times Crossword Puzzle. After it was done, I would get up to go say goodnight to the cats outside and pick up the dirty ice cream dishes that we left for them to lick clean. Some nights I would have to wait until morning because the skunk family would be on the front porch instead. At the time, I didn't know how content I really was during those days.

Fling it or sling it

Back to that same night a few weeks ago when I took a digger outside of the hi-dive. We were drinking at Sputnik and a song came on. I asked the DJs who it was they were playing and I'd never heard of the band before. I had them scream the name into my camera (it was on video with audio) so I could check them out when I was a bit more coherent. I knew I wasn't going to remember the name or be able to decipher chicken scratches on a bev nap.

I picked up a CD by the band. Holy hell. I was drunk. I don't think they are bad... It's just if I want to listen to The Jesus and Mary Chain I will. It's a total rip off. I know it's a form of flattery and all that bullshit but it's all been done before. There are other bands that have tried to follow in the Reid brother's footsteps. BRMC at least changed the sound a little to make it their own but this band is pathetic. They might as well be doing JAMC covers. Gah.

I had such high hopes from this set of Icelandics.

Yes, I just linked your asses to MySpace. Deal with it.

Camp Doug

I'm going to jinx this and say... I have a weekend off in June! Yippee! I know that I need to get my ass to NYC but I'm short on funds... blah blah blah... poor student crap. I think I might be camping for a night up near Salida. It's an annual trip with rafting on Saturday. I don't know, I'm still on the fence about the whole deal. I know we'll all be high as kites but that's not it. I don't think I want to go alone. I know that sounds silly but it's just one of those things. I'll be there with 20-30 people but I need a person as my home base. Make sense?

Now I need a drink. Sad thing is... should I have a German, Mexican or Russian? The German and Russian are both freezing and the Mexican is waiting for me next to a Brit. Decisions.

I think I need a new left ankle and foot

I don't know if I mentioned that I dropped a 5 pound machine on top of my foot a few weeks ago at work or not. Anyway, I did. I had to go to employee health to have a doctor check it out. It seems I'm bound and determined to get myself a brand new pair of crutches soon.

I was leaving work yesterday, came out of the shadow into bright sunlight, was sifting in my backpack for my sunglasses, and took a giant digger on the sidewalk. It was classic. My backpack was thrown 5 feet in front of me, my jacket flew behind me, and the newspaper (Onion) I was carrying went flailing into a bush. I somehow ended up doing a 180 and facing the opposite direction of what I was walking. I would normally be thoroughly embarrassed but I was in so much pain I couldn't talk for a few minutes. I just sat there while a family walked right by me. A guy that was near talking on his cell phone came over and picked up the newspaper and my jacket. When he got off of it he asked if I was ok and I said I was. It was all sort of surreal. There was a minute or so that I didn't know if I could walk or not. That sort of freaked me out. Luckily for me, my sister was working yesterday too so I could have just called her to come down and get me. Have I ever mentioned my sister is a nurse at the same hospital? Well, now you know.

My ankle is fine. It's just a little sore today. I think I twisted my back though. It's all jacked up today. I'm walking hunched over and it hurts to stand up straight.

It is the same ankle that I twisted on the way out of the hi-dive a few weeks ago. That was a decent digger but I really don't recall too much of the incident... thanks to my friends Jagermeister, tequila and vodka.

Sometimes I don't know what to think.

Maybe I haven't adjusted well to the higher temperatures outside.

Maybe it's all just me.

Maybe this mental health class I'm in is making me think way too much about shit.

One thing I know for certain is that I do not want to go to work tomorrow. I am dreading the feedback I'll be getting from my boss about the position I turned down.

I'll just suck it up like I do every time and get it done.

2 gimps and a skirt

I bought a new pair of flip flops a few weeks ago and I've been wearing them almost constant the last few says until I woke up this morning. The first few steps I took out of bed this morning had sharp pain searing from my right heel up my leg. I think I need to break up with them and I'm really bummed. I at least need to go on a break until Sunday which won't be too hard since I have a clinical for 12 hours tomorrow. It's bad... I even like to wear them constantly in the house too (I took a short cat nap with them on yesterday).

I think the clincher for my feet was wearing the flip flops with a skirt to kickball yesterday. I was initially wearing sneakers and shorts but it was so flipping hot there was no way I was going to wear shorts and shoes. During the game I did wear my sneakers but quickly took them off to go to the bar. I just hope this is only temporary and I can be happily in my flip flops in a few days.

Last night's game was one of the best I've been to in a long time. Most of the team showed up and we harassed the hell out of each other. I love it when you're good enough friends with people to not take all the shit talking too seriously. We beat an undefeated team... The Jerks rule! Hah!

My boss offered to get me cross-trained at work and get a pay increase. I think I will turn it down. It means that I would be working until 9:30 at night twice a week. I don't think I'm a fan of getting off of work that late. Money isn't that important to me.

I just need to type up a good letter tomorrow declining the opportunity. Ugh. Work politics are annoying.

Meet Chunk

Kath was quick to point out that she was surprised to read that I have a cat. Yes, I do. I just don't feel the need to be all freaky girlie weird about it. I've just found that to be a slightly unattractive trait in some women. Any person that obsesses over them tends to freak me out a bit.

He's tabby and siamese (some people call his coloring lynx point). He's sitting in his window like he does every morning.

No, he's not fat. I'm a good cat owner and refuse to have a fat animal. His name is Chunk for other reasons.

I miss my card

I was going to type some shit up about Friday's show but I don't feel like it. I don't have too much time to do anything but school and work.

Anywho...

I lost my debit card on Thursday night and refuse to use my credit cards. They are at a zero balance and that's how I'd like to keep them.

I'm down to my last 5 bucks and didn't get to the grocery store lately. How am I going to spend it? I have to buy cat litter. I just completely threw out all of his litter. I had small amount that will last for maybe a day that I put in his box until I can get to the store today. I have money... just no way of spending it and it is frustrating!

I could make a withdrawal at my bank but that's something I haven't done since the mid-nineties. Actually walk into the bank and talk to a teller? Do they even have tellers anymore? Feh.

I heart my debit card.

Revolting Cocks and Ministry were fucking amazing. The show didn't get out until 11:45.

The lead screamer for Revco is a mix between Crispin Glover and Hitler. He was fascinating to watch.

I need to get to bed for my 7am clinical. I have more to say just no time to write.

I try not to but I sometimes have to post about the insane crap people do. I want to think, in general, most people are kind-hearted, generous, caring, loyal, moral, calm, and SANE. Unfortunately, they are not. It wears me out when I have to take care of the insane, rude, and selfish sons of bitches that exist in this world. The other part that kills me slowly is my patient's family members. It's hard to watch a person going through pain and fear of death. It's even harder when my patient's family members never show up. People don't deal with death, pain, and hospitals very easy. Sometimes you just have to suck it up, get your ass to the hospital and stop being selfish.

First, a patient was with us for almost two months. He went through some major complications. He had bad days and good days. I got along with him pretty well. I saw his wife once. Once. His outcome was still pretty uncertain on a day that he went back in for another surgery. She didn't bother to show up. I knew he was bummed. It's just something he and I never talked about until today. A few weeks after he finally got home his wife left him. She couldn't handle being around a sick person. All he asked out of me today is if I could find a counselor to come to his room and talk to him about it. He was ready to talk and cry about it.

Yesterday I got a doozy of a patient. I had her last week too and thought she would be doing a lot better this week. She was doing better but she isn't sedated by morphine anymore so the real person is now visible. Holy hell, I had a great bitch slap coming to me. It's funny to see a person when their family members are around and then the person that they are the second those people leave. The woman is insane. When she stood up and peed on the floor I thought it was a one-time thing. Two hours later, next thing I know, she is taking a dump in a trash can in front of the door. Apprently, she thought her roommate was taking too long in the bathroom and decided she didn't feel like waiting. Then the clincher, she said that if she had known it was going to be this painful then she would have never considered her surgery. She is obviously a person of low intelligence and common sense. The last group of people you want to tell that you think your surgery was a mistake is the people that dedicate their lives to it. Common sense would tell me that I really don't want to insult the people that are there to save my life or wipe my ass... whatever.

Tonight I'm tired of the disrespect people have towards each other in general. It saddens me the way people treat each other. I know that this is the way of the world but it still doesn't mean I have to accept it. I'm sick of assholes. I'm sick of being yelled at by patients. The ones that are the worst never apologize. NEVER. It just makes getting up for work some mornings harder than normal.

I just really need to be around amazing people. I need a few more amazing patients to take away the crap I get from the bad ones. This week just wasn't balanced.

I need to find someone that isn't like some of the motherfuckers that bum me out lately. I hate that my day at work today has made me feel lonely. It would have been nice to have someone home when I got here.

One Hundred Eight Hundreds

I started this last week. I don't know if and when it will ever be over. I've got my little spreadsheet and I've already made 11 calls! Only 9 answered so I've got 91 more to go! Sweet!

I work the next few days so that will at least give me time to catch up on posting entries on the calls I've made so far.

Shaday

I'm cleaning and listening to music today. I didn't get a damn thing accomplished yesterday since I spent a good portion of the day recovering from Friday night.

A song (Galbi) just came on that bums the shit out of me. It's not the song but the fact that Ofra Haza is dead. I loved listening to her stuff when I was in school. It always just set a good pace. Maybe I liked it because I had no idea what she was saying and therefore it didn't distract me from studying too much. I don't know. It just bums me out thinking about what could have been. She stood out to me more than most artists. Fucking HIV (or so they suspect)...

Yes, I know she's been dead for yonks. I don't think she was meant to die so young. She had too much talent. It's just wrong.

Ok Hubs, I've started my calls. I just finished my first five. I will make a blogspot page for my progress in the next few days. It's a behemoth task. I have my digital camera ready and my mailbox is empty. I will also need to set guidelines for these phone calls. Kath seems to think I can make all these calls in a day. I say she's flipped her lid.

The one thing I have noticed so far is how hard it is for me to not laugh during these calls. Especially the first one to Beetchnut! I'm also lying to people to justify why I need free stuff.

Check here if you want the DL on what I'm talking about and let me know if you want to help or have suggestions (or numbers).

Hanging out with a blogger and talking about what you are going to blog about when you get home is a little strange. I know I said I was going to write all this other crap (the freakiest freak on the freak planet stuff) but my short term memory is short. That's one of my main problems. I have all these stories and they play out well in my head. I get home and *poof* they're gone. It's like magic! It's also strange because I've never actively talked to anyone about blogging. Most people don't get it. Drrr...

Most people don't have a clue how picky I can be when it comes to another person's writing. If a person actively slaughters an entry with horrendous grammatical and spelling errors then I just can't continue. There is a Denver blogger out there that is so atrocious her site made me want to vomit. Seriously. She writes like she is text messaging or she writes words like "prolly" as if she is in elementary school just learning to spell. People read her. I'm just not able to get past the first few non-existent words. I know most of the errors are on purpose to illicit her individuality but it's just too much bubble gum for me. If her blog was a joke then it would be a completely different matter.

Anywho, I did do a little damage at Twist and Shout. The kid inside me leapt out of my chest jumping for joy when I found some Kinks albums I have *needed*.

I thought about calling someone tonight but I didn't. It would have been the sane thing to do. It's just one of those things that I internalize and probably shouldn't. I didn't know if I should throw up or not. I didn't know how to respond. I thought I was ready.

I was working today and had one of my repeat patients. I've gotten to know him quite a bit since last August. He's a great guy and never wants to put anyone out. He had a procedure today. They brought him back around 5:45 and then he started to tank. It was a slow progression. He just couldn't breathe. I found myself trying to breathe for him. He was stable for a while but we knew something was wrong. He never complains and he was this evening. It was a slow progression. By 6:45 we were paging docs to his room and we pulled the COR cart out. I was pissing my pants I was so frightened for him. I did what I could. He was surrounded by strangers except for his nurse and me. I kept on talking to him while everyone was poking and prodding him. They gave him Versed so he could go under. The large dose he was given didn't work. He was awake when they intubated him. Awake and gagging while they were prodding their way into his lungs. Then his entire body started fighting as it was gasping for oxygen. His chest was violently heaving unevenly. Finally, the drugs kicked in and he was calm. Calm.

Is today May Day? I'm supposed to leave flowers at someone's doorstep and do that dance with ribbons and a pole, right?